


the toxic kiss

by booksteaandcake



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer
Genre: Bad Boy Calum, Bad Relationship, Love, Loving Michael, M/M, Mentions of drugs, angsty fluff, malum, malum fluff ?, sad malum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 17:19:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6088018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksteaandcake/pseuds/booksteaandcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>one shot - Calum is constantly hurting Michael and Michael knows it. He just can't stay away though, and it's a habit he cannot break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the toxic kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Mention of the drug LSD but it's literally just mentioned, not any detail of use or anything :)

“I’m sorry.” 

 

Michael looks up, his eyes coming to a rest on Calum’s face. Under the intense green stare, Calum feels a blush creep into his face because even after everything they have been through, it still makes his heart race faster every single time he sees Michael looking at him like that. He’s not sure exactly what Michael is thinking but he has started to accept that there is  _ always  _ love behind Michael’s gaze. Still, despite the blush, he tenses slightly and holds his breath as he waits to see what Mikey will say. 

 

“Please say something.” Calum whispers when Michael doesn’t speak, and even if he knows that is love staring him in the face, he still worries. 

 

What if one day, he hurts Michael too much? Of course he would never  _ physically  _ hurt Mikey, but Calum’s inability to stay 100% committed is bound to be a problem. Well, it  _ is  _ a problem. The number of times Calum has cheated, or done drugs despite his boyfriend pleading him not to, or the number of times he has got too drunk and gone too far… what if one day, the love is just not enough to keep them together? He worries that that is now. And whilst he is terrified, so terrified that he is going to lose Mikey in this moment, he also thinks maybe Michael  _ shouldn’t  _ forgive him. Every single time Cal messes up, he hates himself for it. Why can’t Mikey hate him for it too? Maybe the good thing for their relationship would be to  _ end it _ , Calum knows that that is true. They’re in love but their relationship it toxic,  _ Calum  _ is toxic… but he won’t bring it to a close himself. That’s up to Michael, and maybe that’s not fair but the brown haired boy is selfish and he knows it. 

 

Michael parts his lip and Calum waits, on the edge, because Michael surely won’t forgive him. Surely he won’t forgive Calum for sleeping with somebody else whilst Mikey was pretty much in the very same room?  _ Whilst  _ he was high on LSD. But  Michael, sweet sweet Michael, is as usual, blinded by love. 

 

“It’s okay, Calum.” He says, and his voice says,  _ it’s not okay,  _ but his words say otherwise and he gets up and approaches his boyfriend. Even Michael knows it’s wrong but he won’t admit it. He’ll always forgive Calum. 

 

“You shouldn’t forgive me.” Calum voices his internal monologue out loud, and he cups a hand around Mikey’s face gently. “You really shouldn’t.”

 

“I know.” Michael breathes, and his face is sad, his eyes seem to be glimmering with tears. “I just can’t help myself.” 

So even though their relationship is deadly, even though Calum  _ knows  _ that he is going to continue being the dreaded cloud that constantly withers the flower that is their relationship, he doesn’t say that Michael should leave him. And Michael doesn’t suggest such a thing either. Michael knows. He knows Calum will continue to hurt him. He knows it’ll probably be tomorrow and Calum will be off with some other guy. It is so unhealthy, but he can’t avoid it. Maybe he doesn’t care if he gets hurt because he just loves Calum. He  _ loves  _ him, despite everything. He tilts his face forward and he presses his lips to Calum’s. The kiss tastes bittersweet, it’s toxic and venomous and poisonous but it’s also the only thing he has that is keeping him sane. All he can do is accept that the drug is bad, the drug will kill him and maybe he is okay with that. He can’t live without it.

  
“I love you.” He whispers, sealing the curse. 


End file.
